The SOUL practice
How "busy" people who "hate to meditate" discover who they really are
Hello, sweet pea 💗
Welcome to the SOUL practice.
I developed this practice because I was desperate for change….and it works.
It is very simple, based on best practices from ancient wisdom traditions and the science of neurobiology. Best of all, it’s yours. Take what works and leave the rest.
From salad to SOUL
Last post, we talked about why “go in” your “salad dressing” — your unique mix of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, worries, sensations swirling around in your mind and body accumulated over your lifetime.
Most people just walk around with their salad goo…..unaware that their unique blend of ingredients is directing their current life.
The “stuff” hiding in salad dressing acts like a silent rudder directing your decisions, influencing your choices and determining that your past really is your prologue.
Fatalistic? Yes, indeed, says Jung.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate
— Carl Jung
But not always.
You have choices. You can sort through your goo.
By “going in” using the SOUL steps, you can free yourself to make fresh choices and discover new energy, purpose and passion.
Warning: Not so Zen
Weirdly, let’s start with a caveat.
The SOUL practice is NOT about emptying your mind.
I’m NOT going to tell you to stop thinking. We will NOT be dismissing your thoughts, letting them fly over you like seagulls on the beach, as beautiful as that sounds.
That advice may work for monks on mountain tops, but not busy bottles of salad dressing inhabiting the real world.
I feel strongly about this.
I’ve practiced traditional mindfulness under the guidance of the best mindfulness and meditation teachers in the country, sitting on cold floors, my legs aching, dismissing my thoughts, over and over…..millions of times.
That method does build specific mind muscles (eg, attention span) and is proven to reduce stress. However, in focusing on dismissing your thoughts, I believe that approach repeats destructive messages especially for people who have experienced abuse or neglect. It reinforces the painful idea that your thoughts, your concerns, your feelings, your worries are not important and should be shooed away as bothersome chatter. It is saying you need to be quieted. Toned down. Silenced.
I’ve been there and I do not believe in reinforcing the harmful message that you are not worthy of your own attention.
» You are worthy beyond measure, sweet pea 💗
That’s why I created the SOUL practice. It is based on three decades of experience working with the “best of the best” experts, researching “what works” in health, science and spirituality, participating in thousands of mind-body-spirit practices around the world as well as years of teaching yoga and wellness workshops.
How to practice
The gist of the SOUL practice is following the letters S - O - U - L.
It is meant to be a daily practice, part of the rhythm of your day, along with enjoying your first cup of coffee in the morning or brushing your teeth before going out.
As you get familiar with the steps, your pace will vary from day to day. When you are starting, you’ll probably spend more time in SO and very little in UL. Later, you may find you’re drawn to the U part of the practice and spend a lot of time there. Some days you may move quickly through SOU and hang out in L. All good. Go with your own inner flow.
Start with S
Find a comfortable, quiet place to sit and settle where you can be alone, preferably in the early morning before the madness of the day takes over and no one is awake to disturb you. I like brewing my morning coffee as part of my daily SOUL practice. Feel free. Enjoy your morning coffee or cup of tea as you are waking up, but please refrain checking your messages or your To-Do list. This is your private time and I highly recommend that you guard your mental space from outside interference.
The S in SOUL starts with Sit and Settle, then Sigh.
Settle into your favorite comfy chair. Savor your coffee or tea, maybe check that you have your journal next to you. Just sit and settle.
Slowly, gently, as you feel yourself getting comfortable, maybe let your eyelids close and possibly let yourself exhale with a long, soft sigh as you settle into this quiet moment, all to yourself.
» If you’re checking out the SOUL practice for the first couple of times, stop there. That’s enough. Just start with S: sit, settle and sigh. Enjoy your exhale. Linger on your sigh. Let your breathe go out, let your shoulders drop. Let the air out of your lungs. Whooosh. No biggie. No pressure. Tomorrow or the next day, maybe you’ll feel like moving to O.
Move to O
As you get comfortable settling into your seat, start to let your sigh be your signal to begin to turn your attention inward. Slowly, eyes closed gently, allow yourself to become aware of what is going on inside.
Observe what is going on inside of you.
What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What’s coming up for me today?
Listen as your thoughts flow around to whatever is coming up, whatever you’re sensing, just allow it. Do not try to dismiss your thoughts or judge them. You’re just curiously observing. Tuning in. You’re allowing “whatever” to unfurl and seeing where your mind goes, listening to what you are thinking about and saying to yourself.
For me, my morning thoughts ramble all over the place… What’s coming up for me today? Hmmmm….Chipotle…last night with Katie & Charlotte…triple wrapped burrito…..key lime pie...yummmm….Oh! I want the points…..the receipt… did I put it my bag?….go check….no… sit…..
Let it all unfold, allow whatever is coming up to come up.
» As you are learning the SOUL practice, just take 2-3 minutes and see what is coming up inside of you. No pressure. Just start creating a daily habit. Sit, settle, sigh…..observe. When you feel you’ve had a enough, slowly open your eyes, breathe in, long exhale, and go about your day. Maybe jot down a thought or two that popped up in your journal. All good.
Over time, as you get more comfortable hearing your thoughts, you may feel like you want to explore yourself a little deeper.
Move into Observing with Open-hearted awareness.
By open-hearted awareness I mean see if you can become aware of what else is going on inside of you. With practice, you’ll get used to your thoughts bouncing from one to the next. That’s good. Now, see if you can expand your curiosity to becoming aware of what you are feeling.
What kind of mood are in you today? How are you feeling this morning? Are you tired? tense? Or perhaps, excited? grateful? peaceful? Full of anticipation about something coming up? Do you feel anything in your body? heaviness? or maybe skittery? Like you want to bolt out of your chair? Does anything hurt? What hurts?
So often we get sucked into the rush of mental thoughts — Oh God! It’s already 6:12am! Shit! — we get wrapped up an urgent flood of Post-It note-size, thought fragments that we miss the feelings, emotions, moods, sensations that also want to be paid attention to. These lurk in the shadows of our busy thoughts, especially “negative” feelings and moods like sadness, loss, loneliness. It seems easier not to get bogged down with feelings when there’s already so much to do. But this is your time, your practice. Share the kind of compassion and kindness you show to others. Be your own kind listening ear. See what you can welcome.
Allow everything. All of you matters.
The O in SOUL is Observe with Open-hearted awareness.
» As you start a regular SOUL practice, you may find that your “sitting” time lengthens naturally, to 10 or 15 minutes. That’s good. You’re an interesting, complex, beautiful person worthy of your own attention. As you bring your daily sits to a close, take a moment to pause, breathe in deeply, exhale deeply before you open your eyes. It’s nice to have a little marker — your deeper inhale and exhale — as a private buffer between your SOUL sit and the rest of your day.
As I close my daily SOUL sits, I like to pause and feel a sense of gratitude for everything that has come up. It feels like I am honoring the parts of myself that have shown the courage to show up and reveal themselves to me. Maybe you will enjoy that too.
Deepen into U
Over time, you will probably notice that particular streams of thoughts and sensations keep coming up. Certain patterns will start to feel very familiar and you’ll recognize yourself. Oh! There I go again! Worrying about that! OMG! That’s sooooo me! Good. You are starting to get to know yourself. Aristotle would be proud.
You contain multitudes.
It’s kind of fun. Your morning sit gradually turns into a “daily me show”: a private panorama of your favorite worries, obsessions, memories, fantasies, feelings, all aspects of you showing up. That’s good.
For me, I have memories, fantasies, parts of me that regularly pop up: the worried me, the valiant me, the sad me. I even have names for some. Rabbit is what I call the anxious me — frantically concerned about the future but with a good heart — and some days, there’s Sergeant Hartman, my tough inner survivalist, who has no tolerance for weakness and barks about pushing through.
Allow yourself to see yourself. All of you.
Get to know what — and who — is in your salad dressing.
The U in SOUL is for deeper Understanding.
Over time, the more you practice, the more you will see and you will start to recognize a whole variety of your own personas appearing in your morning sits.
You may also begin to sense that there is a constant part of yourself, a part of you who is the one who is watching all of these aspects and memories of you in your morning sessions. It’s that part of you who pauses at the end of each session to breathe in and out, creating your own private buffer, maybe thanking all of the other parts for showing up and revealing themselves. It’s that part of you who takes notes in your journal and notices the different personas, feelings, sensations coming up.
Some people call this constant part of you, “the witness.” The name doesn’t matter but becoming aware that there is a part of “you” who is the one who is regularly watching, listening, tuning in to all that’s happening is an important part of the SOUL practice. This is progress, sweet pea. Well done. 💗
As the “witness” you starts to recognize your familiar patterns — or if something comes up with a strong urgency — that’s also good. That’s a sign indicating that you are ready to take an even deeper look, moving you naturally to U: leaning into what aspects of you need to be heard, felt and seen.
Sometimes that can be a mood that’s been lingering, like a well of sadness, purposelessness or fear that’s lurking under all of your frantic frothy activity.
It can be noticing the ways that you talk to yourself. What kind of tone do you use with yourself? Are your inner voices kind? patient? encouraging? Are there parts of you that are harsh? Demeaning? Just notice.
Maybe you start to see patterns across your relationships, similarities in how you behave, your choices and how you feel when you are thinking about certain people in your life during your morning sessions.
This is all good.
This is why you’re here, getting to know yourself, so you can identify what (and how) the ingredients in your salad dressing exist inside of you. Gradually, you can begin to explore the big “spices” and trace them like fragrant clues leading you into an even deeper understanding of yourself.
For example, you may begin to recognize a particular voice or aspect of you that pops up in your inner chats that you really want to explore. Pay attention to when and where it appears and how you feel in your body as you listen. What sensations come up? Maybe, over time as you practice, you trace the source… Oh…ugh…that’s how I felt when my mother was angry, irritated…omg…the mean face…ugh….i feel it in my body….awful, ugly, disgusting….i want to disappear…..
As you practice, you may see yourself as you were then. For example, you (“the witness”) may see yourself as a frightened little child in the presence of a large, looming, angry adult. Their hurtful words sting and maybe you still feel them. See if you can feel yourself from both perspectives: as your child self experiencing the scene and as your adult self witnessing yourself as a child, seeing the past through your adult eyes — with compassion — what you grew up with, what you felt, sensations you absorbed and are still part of you.
Eventually, some day, you may use the SOUL practice to explore an additional perspective of imagining what was possibly going on inside of the other person, but for now, just allow yourself to hold yourself (the child you, the adult you) in your own deep, heart-felt compassion.
What sensations are you feeling in your body? Your body is a marvelous miracle, offering extraordinary clues as you learn to read your signs. We will talk about reading those signs in depth, but for now just tune in and expand your awareness to notice any changes in your breath (shallow, fast, deep, slow) or feelings that come on like sleepiness, jumpiness, flustered or irritation.
Over time, as you feel drawn, maybe you explore how the intensity of single slice of raw garlic in your dressing — a painful episode — permeates your past, present and how you think about your future. Maybe it still grips your body with a ferocity that takes you back to that initial event. That is definitely worthy of your attention.
Not everything that comes up is pretty. And that’s OK. That’s why you are here, witnessing you in the safety and security of your (adult) home comfy chair.
And not everything is yours to handle by yourself. Sometimes we have really painful stuff that we’ve learned to live with in our salad dressing. That golden nugget may be surfacing so you can finally explore it with the help of an expert.
Take yourself seriously, sweet pea 💗
Years ago, I had a work colleague who would say, “Ugly can be your friend.” She was talking about adding big, ugly drop-shadows to the pretty headline fonts on our magazine covers so folks could easily read the words. Ugly, but effective for grabbing someone’s attention in the busy check out line.
Sometimes ugly is just what you need.
Ugly can be your friend also works in the SOUL practice. Bringing up the “ugly” is your opportunity for paying attention, listening, and healing.
Take your time. Go slow. Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to unfurl, unfold over time. After you practice, journal about what is coming up, what you have been holding onto.
This is all good.
There is tremendous power in witnessing how enduring, constant and courageous you are — and always have been.
There is power in knowing that you are there for yourself, as a child, as an adult. You are there for you.
There is also power in seeing where you need to be now for yourself.
Getting to L
As you do the SOUL practice over time, toggling between listening lightly and diving in deep to follow the contrails of your spices, you will probably discover that your salad dressing is filled with all sorts of old scenarios, old voices, old ways of being in the world.
The L in SOUL is for Letting go with Love.
Sometimes I think about the SOUL practice as if you are lifting the lid on a washing machine in the middle of the wash cycle and seeing what is coming out of your clothes in the warm soapy water. Old stuff is being loosened. It is dissolving. It is free to go — no longer lodged deep in the folds of the fabric — and your clothes are also free to emerge lighter, brighter, ready for new outings and new experiences. It’s a practice for the process of coming together, cleansing and parting ways.
As you listen to the old, you can let go too.
Simply observing old patterns with your adult eyes is often enough to dispel them. You simply witness what was — with compassion — from a wider, wiser perspective and, in the seeing and acknowledging, in the knowing, you feel ready to let go, move on. Liberated. Unencumbered. Peaceful. Energized.
Sometimes the grip of the past goes a lot deeper — especially when you observe your body reacting to old memories — and that is very important to know.
These are vital signs that you need you.💗
We’ll talk soon about the specifics of how you can respond to these important signals with powerful, liberating tools from neurobiology, polyvagal and “walking the ladder” (and more), but this has been a very long post already. A lot to absorb.
Just pay attention, notice and know that you are here for you, with you, with kindness and compassion for you, all of you. Every day.
The last part of the SOUL practice is Love.
As you close your daily SOUL practice, take a moment to hold yourself in deep compassion — all of you, all of your parts, all aspects of you. Shower yourself with gratitude for everything you have been through and love for all that you are now.
Soon we’ll talk about Big Love and an even deeper kind of peaceful Listening (as we move to step two GO UP), but for now, let this be a daily practice where you give yourself time to do your life-changing inner work. Slowly, gently, open your eyes.
Welcome to the SOUL practice, sweet pea 💗
More soon
Anne
Who is Anne Alexander?
Hey. I’m Anne-with-a-Plan. So glad you are here. I trekked from hell to “happy” to find this path and happy to share. Someone called me a“woman of depth” and that’s accurate. I love diving in deep, sharing treasure.
Author of two New York Times bestsellers, Editor of Prevention (twice), Editorial Director of National Geographic, Content Director for Mindful
Single-mother of three beloveds 💗💗💗 who are now adulting-ish
Interfaith minister - open, curious, with respect for all
Traveler - always and everywhere
AND now podcaster - Sharing the SOUL PRACTICE for daily peace, purpose & power
